CLITICALLY CHALLENGED
 

ABODE OF THE FUNGOD




This is a laughter zone, with the occasional opening of the heart.

Those without humour can leave now, those who like to smile, welcome

IF YA WANNA SHAG AND YOUR FEMALE, ASK, YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR LUCK. . .


Join me, lets laugh together and make the world a little brighter
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FGUNGOD RANTS LIKE FUCK
Posted:Jan 7, 2007 11:19 pm
Last Updated:Jan 10, 2007 9:32 am
3355 Views
Politically Correct, what the fuck is that all about.

It stops men being men and turns women into half men.

I gotta tell you that if a female type person tells me she does not want to change the tyre on her car in case she breaks a nail, Ill do the fucker, I aint gonna say I thought you were equal.

Men and women are NOT equal and never will be, women have been controlling men since that wench made one of us pinch an apple for sexual favours. Why the hell would they want demotion to equality??
Makes no bloody sense at all.

Men are hunter gatherers by nature not legislation and women have tits and pussies that men want and will fight the fucking world to get at. That's nature, not listening to some overblown, pompous self important little shit telling how we should react to each other.

If a woman is physically capable and wants to chase criminals, firefight, chop down trees or whatever, I have no problem with that BUT, she is still a woman and, in my opinion, should still be treated like a delicate flower by men.

The aura that surrounds women is femininity, the aphrodisiac for real men and no amount of interfuckingference from vote seekers and academic arse wipes is gonna change that.

When I look at a woman, any woman, whether she be a Barbie type or a BBW, I know that as a man I should treat her with due respect and reverence because she is a WOMAN, not asexual and not fucking equal either.

And if I think there is some sexual chemistry going on, trust me, Im gonna come onto her regardless of what the modern attitude tells me is the correct way to behave.

Maybe Im Neanderthal but, I relish the smell, touch, taste and sight of women and when the senses are full of a woman I act like a man.

I open doors, pull chairs out for her to sit, stand up when she leaves the table, am courteous, attentive, flirty and usually fucking randy.

I don't body slap with non genders, I have sex sweats with WOMEN.

So what do you prefer ladies, a man who knows hes a man or some fabricated excuse for a human being that is incapable of raw, natural emotion and desires??


Mood: Gotta stop watcing TV
4 Comments
TO THE WOMAN I LOVE
Posted:Jan 7, 2007 12:53 pm
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2007 9:58 pm
3036 Views

I want to feel every heartbeat you make, dry every tear of sadness that has fallen from your eyes and be the one who mends your broken dreams.

For you I will climb mountains and walk barefoot across the desert just to touch your face.

I will bring light into your darkness and colour to your black and white.

Turning your fantasies into reality will be my joy and giving sparkle to your eyes a daily pleasure.

Where your heart has been broken I will repair it with love, my arms will be your sanctuary and strength.

Dreams are for people who sleep, we will live life every day.

I will place a whisper on your lips whilst you slumber, and embrace you with passion when you awake.

I will be your strength and your foundation, your lover and your friend.

I will encompass you, yet give you freedom, love you unconditionally.

No matter where you are, what you’ve done, wherever you are from, one day I will find you and start to live.

I feel you.

Whats another year?


I've been busy today, here's the other posts for Sunday:

DIGDUG41 AND MOFUNNOWWOW . THE NAKED TRUTH

HERE IN BLACK AND WHITE.

I WANNA FAT SKINNY WOMAN WITH SMALL BIG TITS

Mood: Thinking.
1 comment
I WANNA FAT SKINNY WOMAN WITH SMALL BIG TITS
Posted:Jan 7, 2007 9:03 am
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2007 10:03 pm
4004 Views
Well, off I go then:

Why don't I have a significant other/wife or whatever??

Its because I cant make up my mind what kinda wench I want.

For instance, last week I was horny and fancying the more mature, buxom style splitarse for a turn around the KamaSutra and this week I have a hankering for the doll like Asian style bints.

Its Nemos fault, he is such a Gemini.

One day I'll fancy a humongous pair of tits and the next I want a tiny peak of perfection to suck on.

I am convinced it's the fault of the female bloggers on this site.

Y'see, a year or so ago when I joined the hordes of rampant males sneaking round the corridors of pumppervs empire I had a pretty good idea of the physical attributes I found attractive in a woman.

Since getting to know a number of the wench writers on here I find many of them sexy and desirable and they are all different physically.

Now I find that if them there wench types open their souls on their blog and they are honest, I fucking wanna shag em.

Every open hearted female blogger on this site has something that I find shagable about them.

It must be a man thing.

Am I just an easy lay??
5 Comments
HERE IN BLACK AND WHITE.
Posted:Jan 7, 2007 5:05 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2007 8:50 pm
3007 Views
Have you notices that whenever you go into a garage workshop all the mechanics have their faces covered in grease and oil??


Now that's strange isn't it, coz they don't work with their faces do they, everything is done by hand.

Much like my sex life really.


Anyway, I now know why.

I spent a few hours this morning changing the brakes on 3 vehicles and when I went for my shower my face was covered in dirt.
My mush made digdug41 look like a paleface.

I cast my mind back to how this could have happened and remembered the nagging itches on my nose and forehead, which I, naturally, scratched.

So, it appears that working on vehicles makes your nose itch and that's why mechanics always look bloody filthy.

That's that sorted then.


Ya can always rely on me to solve lifes mysteries cant ya??
2 Comments
DIGDUG41 AND MOFUNNOWWOW . THE NAKED TRUTH
Posted:Jan 6, 2007 7:24 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2007 12:45 pm
3077 Views


I dont do this so often but, this is special.

Now we have a male blogger here who has changed his life over the last few months.

It would be a brave and frightening step for many but, especially for a guy like this who has been all the way through the shit tunnel of life and come out the other end still human.

When I joined the site he was the top male blogger and with good reason.

His posts are human, humane, raw, honest and sincere.
I have known him to be funny too.
NOT as funny as me but hell, who is?
His blog is a true blog, a life log.

The purpose of this post is to say to him, bloody well done
digdug41
You are still the main man on this site for many of us and your blog continues to be awesome.


When he changed his life he had the support of a number of his blog friends but one in particular who has been there for him, a woman with an enormous heart.
Mofunnowwow
Has show herself to be as true a friend as you can get and, there aren't many of them about, they need to be cherished and loved.
Shes got nice tits as well.

Anyway, if you get the time will you please pop over to digdug41, read this one

My year in review , Awesome post,

and give him a big well done from the blogville community?


A quick trip over to mofunnowwow to say how friends are rare and appreciated would be cool too.


Well done digs and Mo, you are something else

Hope you don't mind this post, just my tribute to you both
1 comment
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN??
Posted:Jan 6, 2007 12:46 am
Last Updated:Jan 14, 2007 1:47 am
3209 Views
Talking on the landline to an ex yesterday and she is cumin to see me next week, apparently.

During the conversation I happened to mention how cool it was that we still see each other sometimes and her response was:



"Well, I need my fix occasionally. I still cant work out if you are a drug or a disease."


WTF???


Help me out here, was that a compliment or an insult?
9 Comments
GIZ A SNOG
Posted:Jan 5, 2007 12:24 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2007 8:56 am
3051 Views
I remember my first proper kiss like it was yesterday.

We had known each other and been friends since the age of 11 and we were 14 years old.

We were walking in a forest near our houses and I cannot for the life of me remember why or how the situation came about.

I remember the nervousness, the anticipation, the innocence that became desire, the softness of her lips and the passion that we enjoyed.

My God that was a beautiful day.

Do you remember your first real kiss?

2 Comments
FUNGODS COMPLIMENT PAGE
Posted:Jan 5, 2007 6:48 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2007 2:03 am
3144 Views

Whats the nicest compliment anyone ever paid you or the nicest thing anyone ever did??

For me it was my ex gf who came home one day with a small bottle, gave it to me and said,

I was stood in the rain and thinking about you so I caught you a bottle of rain.

I thought that was so fucking lovely!!

I know, Im a soppy twat.


Mood: Pensive
5 Comments
YA GOTTA SCRATCH IT, DONT YA??
Posted:Jan 4, 2007 12:06 pm
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2007 9:00 pm
3324 Views
A day in the life of a FUNGOD

Went to a business meeting today to do a sales presentation and I was stuck in this boardroom that had the heating set at about 300 degrees centigrade.

I was sweating my bollocks off.

3 directors of a major company all dressed for an arctic winter so I could not even remove my jacket.

As Im an animated type when doing my thing, I was moving about quite a lot and the presentation takes about an hour.


THEN IT HAPPENED


Now don't fucking lie, its happened to you all, you are in a situation where you get an itchy crotch and that becomes your focus, you cant scratch it for fear of embarrassment but, it is the worst experience you have ever been through.

It doesn’t matter that no one else knows you’ve got the itch, you think they can see it and are gloating, waiting for your hand to fly to your bollocks and scratch like fuck until the itch goes away.

Your forehead gets wet, your mouth dry, your voice feels like its risen a couple of octaves and all you want to do is rip your trousers off and get your fucking nails going where the sweat is tickling you.

But you cant, you have to suffer in silence.

Then I had to sit down to discuss terms etc and tried to give it a quick rub discreetly.

NO FUCKING WAY

could I do that.

In the end I came away with a worse deal than I had intended, just because I wanted to get away quickly.

Let me tell you, sat in my car scratching my bolloocks for 5 minutes was the most pleasure Ive had this year.


When did it happen to you last??

How pleasurable was the scratching??

Is it better than sex?

Will you scratch mine?
(Question for females only, fuck off Tom )
4 Comments
FUNGODS FIRST SEX MEET FROM THE SITE
Posted:Jan 3, 2007 8:59 pm
Last Updated:Jan 6, 2007 11:47 pm
3466 Views
Tonight was the night people, we had emailed, chatted (no cams) and she had expressed more than a passing interest.
On my part I had ensured that we were singing off the same songsheet, we both knew what we wanted and there was no hint of deception, lies or half-truths.
The scene was set, we both knew what we were in for and were comfortable with it.


AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!!!

Made the arrangements, made sure I booked a decent hotel, ensured the meal was going to be a little better than the norm and the surroundings would be convivial and relaxing.
Did my bit, as you do, got the 'toys' organised as she had said she liked and all was well with the World.
Turned up at the hotel, made sure room was good etc. and settled down on the old laptop to do some work until it was time for that wonderful liason.
That time arrived… and I drove to collect my new fuck buddy.


Now here this is what I wanted to write:

I collected my Italian beauty from her home and drove her to the restaurant for a relaxing and sensuous dinner. The wine flowed as we looked into each others eyes and sensed a meeting of needs and wants. Our fingers touched lightly as we explored each others thoughts and determined the way forward. The starter to the meal was, surprisingly, a light kiss that lasted a millisecond longer than it would have been seemly to do, the main course was interrupted on a number of occasions by the touch of a knee against knee, a foot touching a foot and eyes locked in the anticipation of a night that would last for eternity in our souls. My loins ached for her as she became more and more aroused by the subtle lovemaking and her breast swelled beneath her thin silk dress, her hardening nipples hinting at promises that would be fulfilled later. Desert was refused by us both, fuelled by passion, lust, wine and want as we made our way rapidly to a bedroom that was temporary but the fulfilment of a need that would last forever in our minds. The first day of a lasting cojoining of two souls whose only want was physical, yet emotional on a higher level than we both understood.
As we closed the door our bodies could no longer resist the internal turmoil and we came together in a kiss that can only be described as angelic, yet filled with a passion and lust that would not be quelled without total satisfaction. We undressed each other as our lips locked, our tongues exploring each other, our hands finding the heaven we sought and our minds as one being.
Our clothes lay scattered on the floor as we climbed into the shower without a word, merely groaning with the ecstacy of desire.
I cleansed and carresed her body from head to toe, then tasted her beauty as I kissed her body and took her love juices in my mouth as she leant back whimpering with pleasure and then screaming as she reached her first orgasm. Her juices flowed as she knelt and took me in her mouth and I reached the pinnacle of pleasure.
We dried each other and then she leant over the washbasin as I took her from the rear and we both cried out as we reached the height of orgasm together.

The desk in the room was large and we walked past it to the bed, intending only to pause as we kissed and carresed each other in the aftermath of what only intense pleasure can bring.
As her tongue explored me I felt the want of her like I had never known before and I laid her on the desk, and commenced to massage her body with my lips.

Her breasts were small and her nipples hard and sensitive, the epitomy of pleasure and beauty. I lingered as my tongue wandered over them, savouring her taste and pleasure, reluctantly leaving them to the attention of my fingers as my lips traced a path to her navel and then to the opening of paradise where her juices were again flowing freely and I partook of them hungrily and greedily. Her clitoris was a gift from heaven and I treated it with due decorum and reverence.
Her back arched as she reached orgasm again and then she relaxed as I soothed the passion with the eroticism of continuing my journey down her beautiful thighs before returning to her breasts….
You can guess the rest……


This is what really happened

ARE YOU REALLY READY FOR THIS????

Well its bubble bursting time..

Turned up and a person emerged from the house, smiling and extremely feminine. HOWEVER.. I might not have the best eyesight in the world but, The jeans and bulge in the crotch left me in NO DOUBT. It was a fucking guy!
I have nothing against gays, bi's or whatever people want to do, couldn’t care less, doesn’t move my planet BUT, the deceitful little shit was about a nanosecond away from a pasting. I have to confess that my reaction would have intimidated Frank Bruno (the boxer, sort of) but, the spineless piece of shit ran like a gazelle down the street.
Did I stay angry? No, the sight of him mincing down the street at 30mph plus had me bent over pissing myself with laughter.
Check out the profile hotprettyitalian and you tell me.. would YOU have known it was a male? And she has another one Tropicalvicky check it out IS THIS A MAN???


Whadya think??

Have yoou had a sex date go wrong??

Will you tell me about it??


Mood: I remember it like it was yesterday.
6 Comments
I HAVE BEEN A COMPLETE PRAT
Posted:Jan 3, 2007 11:48 am
Last Updated:Jan 7, 2007 2:07 pm
3167 Views



IVE BEEN A TWAT

When I was blogging prior to my comeback a short time ago, I always responded to comments and spent at least an hour every day visiting other blogs.

I haven’t been doing that since the move to Spain, commuting and sorting out the business. Time issues I guess.

Just basically been visiting as many as I could, commenting where I can and making sure I stayed alive by posting.

I feel very rude that I have neglected to respond to comments as much as I should do, I am not usually impolite.

As from this post I will be putting that right, I will respond to every comment and I will spend time visiting more than my watched list ( 4 pages!) and get to know more of you so I can insult you with a degree of knowledge!

I also posted bits about the real me, feelings, thoughts etc and Im gonna start that again.

Dont worry though, it will not be morbid, the next post will be for those of you who haven't been here a year yet, it is the post of my very first meet from this site.

My apologies to all those that commented.
4 Comments
A VERY BIG TA VERY MUCH
Posted:Jan 3, 2007 6:03 am
Last Updated:Jan 8, 2007 5:21 am
3574 Views
The following people have visited this blog since Christmas day.
Some have commented, some not but, the important thing is that you took the time to visit.
I hope there was something here top bring a smile to your face.

THANK YOU ALL,
MY TIME HERE IS PRECIOUS


wannabesexpot

_Lysan_ _pinkie_ 11inch009 1sweetnsexy1970

3399CZ 4allyorpleasure 69spunki 6ft1961

6sex9humm 92nick46 Alcazar19 alex65386

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ann4168 anthony600000 aqish007

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ellis71000 EroticaXTC extrawant fantasylover_05

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frisco19456 FunFlirty4u funlovingguy613

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thegroosamtosom2 ThrasherBasher Tich655

toneup4268 Toodela tysonbaby67 ukdolphin79

Ultraviolet_69 user1352 voyman04 wants2cyber

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KARLsBABY Waggypolly

GODDESOFTHEDAWN

Whatever you do, dont forget to come back,I've just paid for a years membership!!

It would be lonely without you.

Thanks again for popping in.
10 Comments
I WANNA EAT OFF A WENCH
Posted:Jan 3, 2007 1:19 am
Last Updated:Jan 3, 2007 7:49 am
3158 Views

It’s the season of food so I have decided to stop microwaving the crap I usually buy, forgo the dubious pleasures of the local takeaways and get my arse into gear and do some real cooking.

Tonight Im cooking chicken with, roast potatoes and steaming some baby corn, baby carrots, fine beans and sugar snaps.

Topped off with a homemade stilton and broccoli sauce.

Ive even done a banoffee pie for sweet with a really thick base and I will celebrate with a glass or 7 of the finest Rioja.

That sound good to you??

What you having for dinner?

Wanna share mine??

Wanna be my plate?

3 Comments

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